Some people NEED change NOW: The children who hate their bodies: How half of six-year-old girls think they're fat and how parents can stop this dangerous obsession

By Tanith Carey
Last updated at 11:24 AM on 26th April 2011

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Obsessed: Young girls are growing up with a more negative body image than ever before

Yesterday, we revealed how exposure to pornography is poisoning young minds. Now, in the final part of our series on the sexualisation of children, Tanith Carey shows how girls are growing up with a more negative body image than ever before - and gives practical tips on what parents can do to nip it in the bud...
Visit the website of the most coveted label for young girls today and you’ll quickly see how early in their lives our daughters are persuaded they should look sexy as well as stylish.
At Abercrombie & Fitch Kids, the designer store sells ‘cute butt’ leggings, sized to fit girls from the age of ten and over.
Elsewhere on the British High Street, the lines between childhood and adulthood are also being blurred.
At Next, high heels are on sale for tiny children, while three-year-olds are lumped together with 16-year-olds as ‘older girls’ — even though what’s appropriate at the opposite ends of this age range is wildly different.
Try looking for an old-fashioned plain nightdress for an eight-year-old that isn’t covered in love hearts, as I did the other day, and instead you’ll be offered silky boxer shorts matched with a skimpy camisole, emblazoned with the words: ‘I know I’m so cute.’
Little girls are already cute. By giving them lingerie-style sleepwear with this message, or leggings that promise to give them a ‘cute butt’, they’re encouraged to think they’re only valued for showing off parts of their bodies in a certain way.
On top of that, commercial messages from advertising billboards, television commercials and magazines tap in to our girls’ subconscious to create vulnerabilities and tell them they need to be slimmer and prettier.
When I counted all the images of women in advertisements that my daughter Lily saw on a half-hour bus journey home, it added up to more than 20. Almost all were size 6 to 10 - partially dressed or presented in underwear.
Of course, some were images repeated several times over, but on average the females wore about 20 to 50 per cent less clothing than men. It’s no wonder my younger daughter Clio, then four, once asked me: ‘Why do people think boobs are so important?’
Children begin to recognise themselves in the mirror at about two years old. Within just a few years, it’s a sobering thought that little girls, barely old enough to know their alphabet, don’t like what they see.
Half of three to six-year-old girls say they worry about being fat, according to the British Journal of Psychology.
By the age of seven, 70 per cent of girls want to be thinner. By nine, half have been on a diet. For girls aged between 11 and 17, it’s their number one wish in life.

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Instead of seeing their true selves, girls become trapped in a maze of fairground mirrors, with a distorted idea of what it is to be normal.
Even so, girls don’t get brainwashed into thinking thin is good and fat means failure without some reinforcement at home.
Painful though it may be to admit, the first lessons girls get about their bodies come from us, their mothers. Low-cal, low-fat, high-carb, low-protein, gluten-free... considering food is such a simple and essential commodity, we’ve made it incredibly complicated.

As I found with my own daughter Lily, who announced she needed to lose weight after a schoolmate called her fat, the word ‘diet’ doesn’t even have to be mentioned in the house for the message to filter through. In today’s playgrounds, ‘fat’ is the most feared insult of all.
As girls observe adults skipping meals, stepping on the scales, obsessing about weight, and criticising their bodies, they quickly cotton on that food is a power-broker, with the leverage to make us feel guilty and depressed.
Even thoughtful mums who just try to model healthy living - and who never ask out loud: ‘Does my bum look big in this?’ - can send out unbalanced messages that girls pick up on.
As Deanne Jade, founder of the National Centre for Eating Disorders, told me: ‘Even if you think you’re displaying good behaviour by telling your daughter you’re going to the gym to get healthy, not thin, it can create the anxiety in a child that it’s the only way to be healthy.
‘Everything we say sends a message which can be much louder to the ears of a child. Leading a healthy lifestyle is not about modelling our own perfectionist standards. It’s about modelling a balanced sense of self-care.’
As soon as a girl, who has learned these messages at her mother’s knee, steps into the outside world, she finds them reinforced once again by celebrity culture and advertising.
So don’t let outside influences create a void in your daughter that can never be filled. Teach her how to reject them.
Above all, show her she is much more than the sum of what she owns — or what she looks like.

Saying the right things: Compliment your daughter's body on what it does - not how it looks (Posed by models)

How to encourage a healthy body image
When it comes to diet, the most important things are what we don’t say. Don’t make food an ongoing topic of conversation. Even if you think you’re spreading healthy eating messages, you’re still making food a big issue. Without fuss, make sure a good range of nutritious food is available in your home. Remember there are no ‘bad’ foods. Model relaxed attitudes by sitting down and eating the same foods as your children.
Never mention the word ‘diet’. Overhearing endless conversations with your friends about the latest diet regimes can make girls think it’s a woman’s lot to starve herself. If it’s brought up in front of your daughter, quietly change the subject.
Involve girls in cooking to get them in touch with food, including where it comes from and how it’s made. Make meal-times a stress-free family occasion by focusing on companionship and conversation, not who’s eating what.
Check dads know not to make remarks. Criticisms made by a father about his daughter’s - or indeed any woman’s weight - can cut particularly deep, because your daughter will assume that’s how all men think.
Don’t use food to feed your emotions. How many of us have groaned: ‘I wish I hadn’t eaten that’ or ‘I deserve a treat’? Resist talking about ‘fat days’ - and stop sending the message that food is something to feel guilty about.
Compliment your daughter’s body on what it does - not how it looks. Help her see her body as something useful and powerful, not something to be judged on appearance. Praise her for the skilful way she plays sport. Compliment female athletes for their abilities, instead of admiring celebrities for their skinny figures.
Give up control. At the end of the day, it’s up to your daughter what she puts in her mouth. Don’t insist she finishes off her food, or monitor her junk food intake - or she’ll start to eat in secret.
Ask her what pressures she feels under. If a child starts obsessing about weight, it’s often because she’s worried about something else. Expert Deanne Jade says: ‘If my child told me she’s fat, I wouldn’t answer, instead I’d ask: “What’s worrying you?” Ask her to write down her worries about body image, so she can see them in black and white. By externalising, she may be better able to see the pressures on her more clearly.’
Pick your moments. At neutral times, not when your girl is feeling insecure about her looks, explain that what makes someone attractive is more than just their appearance. Praise other women for their strength and personalities.
Teach children media awareness. Explain that not even the celebrities look like the images they see, thanks to airbrushing and stylists.
Never refer to your daughter’s shape unless to counter a negative comment. If she expresses reservations about her looks, listen without dismissing her worries. Don’t agree, or say: ‘You’re fine.’ Suggest that often we judge ourselves more harshly than necessary and ask if she thinks she’s possibly being overly critical. Suggest she wouldn’t allow anyone else to be so cruel to her, so why should she treat herself like that. Give her a reality check by explaining even the most famously beautiful women in the world are never completely satisfied with their looks.
Listen to her. Eating disorders are often the last resort for girls who are not being heard any other way. Overscheduled and under pressure to be perfect, they don’t have a voice, so they protest with the one thing they do have control over - food. Make sure your children can talk to you and that you hear what they’re saying - not what you want to hear.

Skin deep: Consumerism makes girls prioritise superficial things and steals away what's really important (posed by models)

Stop them becoming shopping addicts

It’s not just cosmetics and clothes that make little girls seem older than they are. An obsession with shopping, logos and the latest ‘in’ thing can also replace innocence with a grasping precociousness. Consumerism makes girls prioritise superficial things and steals away what’s really important. Even if you realise it’s gone too far, it’s not too late.
Be a good role model. Girls learn consumer habits from their parents. So moderate your own need to buy - and don’t pin your happiness on your next purchase. Go shopping because you need things, not to cheer yourself up.
Use advertising as a first step towards media awareness. When teaching children not to accept everything they see without question, start with adverts. Help children realise commercials are trying to sell them something. They’re a great start for teaching media literacy because they’re brief and it’s easy for kids to understand how biased they are. From there, it will be easier to move on to TV, movies and websites.
Don’t buy into brands. Teach girls early that brands are more about perception than reality. Try this experiment. Buy a box of brand-name cornflakes and the supermarket own-brand version. Ask her to spot the differences in the ingredients. She will find that they are essentially the same product — except the one with the well-known name is substantially more expensive.
Don’t make shopping your main family activity. For many mothers and daughters, shopping can easily become their main bonding activity. Find other activities to keep you close.
It’s never too late to un-spoil your child
As much as we hate to admit it, part of the reason children crave so much is because we give without setting limits. While it’s true that marketers are out to attract them, it’s you who’s paying. First work out why you feel the need to overindulge your kids. Is it because you work long hours and feel guilty? Are you afraid your child won’t love you if you say no? Do you want them to have more than you did? It’s only once you’ve worked out your reasons that you’re ready to change your child’s behaviour.
Explain how it’s going to change. Half-hearted attempts to un-spoil children won’t work. You have to work at it - and make sure your partner is on the same wavelength. Choose a neutral time - when your child is not asking for anything - to explain money does not come easily, and fun things need to be earned. Listen to your child’s questions - and answer them. You might have to strap yourself in for a few tantrums, but stick to your rules.
Make them earn it. If you give treats to children all the time, they won’t thank you. Instead they’ll just take it for granted and want something new the next day. Girls should earn privileges - because they’ll automatically respect things more when they have to work for them.
Extracted from Where Has My Little Girl Gone? How To Protect Your Daughter From Growing Up Too Soon by Tanith Carey, to be published by Lion Hudson on May 20 at £7.99. © 2011 Tanith Carey. To order a copy (inc p&p), call 0845 155 0720.