Sex and ADHD; Improving Sexual Experience | ADHD in Focus

People with ADHD often have a hard time fully engaging in experiences, as their mind is constantly jumping around from one thing to another.  As our lives get busier, sex seems to fall off the radar screen so we can do things like feed the kids, make money, and meet our ever-increasing obligations.

This can hurt both the mind and relationships, as a healthy sex life is important to both mental health and intimacy if you have a significant other.   Often times people ‘fit it in’ because that is all they have time to do.  Yet there a few simple, profound things you can do to get more engaged and have a fully pleasurable experience.

The key point is to think about fully engaging all of your senses before, during, and after the act:

• Visual: What is it you see before / after sex?  Is it a beautiful red satin sheet or a ratted white thing?  Are you noticing the positives curve of the person’s back or that mole?  Do you think of other people and situations, or are you enthralled with what you have right in front of you?   Try adding a splash of red in your room, a color associated with passion, romance, and love.
• Sound: What are you hearing when in the act?  Kids screaming?  Cars zooming?  The TV?  Or the sound of dribbling water?  Music that creates a sensation of Passion?  Try adding some next time and see what happens.
• Taste: Is taste bothering you?  Are you thinking you should have brushed your teeth before hand?  Do you have leftover garlic?  Are you thirsty?  Try gargling before hand with some cinnamon mouthwash to get your taste senses activated and alive.
• Touch: Are you embracing the touch?  Do the hands feel soft to the skin?  Do your sheets leave you feeling romantic and willful or scratchy and hot?  Try a different set of sheets and notice the texture on your body.
• Smell: Can you smell burnt food?  Dirty socks?  Is a scent that your mate is giving off making you a little queasy?  Try adding some vanilla oil to your experience by massaging it on your mate, filling your sense of smell with luxury and sweetness.

You should note that this include you single people, as you can do the same things alone.  The key is to take a look at what is in your environment, and what both distracts and enhances your experience, and add more of what enhances it.  Don’t gloss over it as we do so many things, because this ‘glossing over’ is exactly what enables our ability to detach from the experience and diminish our enjoyment.

It should not be a chore, and those with ADHD should not avoid sex because of the challenge to focus.  Instead, the ADHD should be used to enhance the overall amazing intensity of the experience.  Create an environment where you are fully engaging all of your senses, and see if you find improvements.

Does anyone have other tips for creating the right environment?

photo credit: Pieter Musterd

I own a company called the Mood-factory (www.mood-factory.com), a company that creates products based on how sensory experiences effect moods. I also run a nonprofit for depressio, iFred (www.ifred.org), we are working to change the brand of depression. And yes, I have ADHD, along with PTSD, major depressive disorder, and a host of other challenges, opportunities, and gifts.

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  np at 12:38 pm on September 22nd, 2010

These are wonderful tips I can attest to. Another sensation to recognize is that internal rush, the process of becoming “aroused”. I mean really tuning in, allowing it, visualize, feel, and experience it (like climbing, exploding bubbles!).

Time makes a big difference too. My impulsive trait craves spontaneity, but that’s harder to come by in this family home and in our adult, busy (and often depressed) lives. So I try to grab EVERY 30-second “rush” and savor it!

When time permits, but I regrettably get distracted, well, I just refocus on the rush …

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“Tips for Being Fully Engaged in Your Sexual Experiences”

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