Tuesday, 11 January 2011

ADHD Bloopers-how to play the telephone game all by yourself! | ADHD from A to Zoë


ADHDer Zoë Kessler teaches you how to play the telephone game all by yourself!

ADHDer Zoë Kessler teaches you how to play the telephone game all by yourself!

I’m sure most of you are familiar with the “telephone game.”

You know, it’s the one where you’re at a party and you sit in a circle. One person whispers something to the person beside them, then that person whispers to the person sitting next to them, and so on around the circle. The last person to hear the whispered phrase or sentence has to say what they heard out loud.

Invariably, what comes out of the mouth of the last person is wildly divergent from the original phrase or sentence. And hilarious.

What’s not so hilarious, is when someone says something to you – and it’s as if you’re the person at the end of that circle, hearing something completely different than what was originally spoken.

Except there’s no circle.

And it’s not a game. It’s a job interview. Or a first date. Or a heated discussion with a best friend.

Instead of blurting out what you just heard (because you realize that it’s not actually the telephone game), you respond – thinking that you’re moving the conversation forward. It’s only when you get that, “Are you out of your mind!?” look that you realize you’ve done it again. Something in your communication has gone awry, but you have no idea what it is.

This has been happening to me my whole life. It’s only a few years after I got my ADHD diagnosis, at age 47, that I discovered a little thing called Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD). So, that would explain it.

Would, that is, if I had any idea where or how I could actually be tested for it. It’s not like I have a budget to cover a full diagnostic work up. In the meantime, I do what I always do in the face of adversity: I laugh.

I’ve been collecting what I like to call “ADHD bloopers,” for a while now. I’d like to share a few examples of how I’ve misconstrued communications over the last couple of years. I hope you find them funny, too.

About month ago, an elder customer came into the store where I work. When I gave him his change, he said, “Do you have a thing for pennies?”

I was appalled. I thought he was getting personal. My inner dialogue was: “That’s kind of personal, dontcha think, buddy? Where do you get off asking me about my fetishes?”

Fortunately, I’m medicated. The dialogue remained “inner.”

When I looked perplexed and didn’t answer, he explained that he wondered if we had a jar for pennies.

Oh! (I’m pretty sure I blushed).

Hardy har har.

Another example comes from a copy of a magazine I’ve written for. The magazine is called Dogs in Canada. I was flipping through an issue when I came across an article called, “Diseases Down South.” I thought it was about vaginal diseases.

Turns out it wasn’t about canine yeast infections, it was about the incidence of heartworm, valley fever, and ticks in the southern U.S.A.

Hardy har har.

One time a friend of mine was practicing guitar. She asked if I’d heard of a song called, “The 9:12 Train.”   I thought 912 was the number of the train.  Nope. It’s the time the train leaves.

Hardy har har.

Once, I was standing in line at the grocery store. Beside me was a display of transparent bags of food. The bags contained jars of peanut butter, packages of macaroni and cheese, and the like. The sign on the display said, “$5.99 Food Bank bags.”

As I stood in line I mused, “How do they know I need the food bank?” and, “Do I have to show them ID?”

Later, I incredulously described this situation to a friend. I was only slightly embarrassed when she explained that the bags were actually to be bought by customers and donated to the food bank.

Hardy har har.

And finally, just to prove that I’m not the only add that this happens to, I’ll use an example from my friend Kelly’s life. Kelly and I were both participating in an event to raise funds for cancer research. The event was a walk-a-thon. We got pledges and raised money, then walked around and around a designated track.

My friend Kelly confided in me that when he heard that the event was called, “Heart and Sole” that he’d wondered, “What does this have to do with fish?”

Hardy har har.

So how about you? ‘Fess up. You’ve played the one man/woman “telephone game” more than once yourself, haven’t you?

Be brave. Share your own ADHD bloopers. We’re in the winter doldrums, and heaven knows, we could all use a good laugh.

But don’t worry: we’ll definitely be laughing with you, not at you. Right, gang?

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  Em at 2:01 pm on January 8th, 2011

For ages I thought that people took official documents to the “nota republic.” Another time we were doing an activity in our social psychology class and the prof. asked everyone who was a “feminist” to stand up. I thought she asked everyone who was a “ventriloquist” to stand and I was really surprised at the number of people in the class who were standing.

Also fun is when suddenly it sounds like someone is speaking a different language and then they look to me for a response.

  Zoë Kessler, BA, B.Ed. at 3:17 pm on January 8th, 2011

LOL! Thanks, Em. I totally relate, especially to the “foreign language” comment.

Once I was at a riding lesson and trying to get the horse to canter. My instructor yelled some instructions at me and they sounded like complete garble-dee-goop. Not only upsetting, dangerous. To her credit, she and I worked out a totally different way for her to instruct me; I had to stop and listen to keep me safe. This way of teaching ran completely counter to her normal method, which was to keep the student riding while she instructed, but she understood when I explained to her that I had ADHD and what was going on for me when I was under stress and how I just suddenly forgot my Mother Tongue sometimes and didn’t feel safe under the circumstances (for example, about to take my first jump over an obstacle). I really admire her for working with me in a way that worked for ME, and accommodated my specific difficulties.

  Kelly at 7:27 pm on January 8th, 2011

30 years ago, late in September a six year old girl I knew was telling me all about her teacher whom she admired greatly. The teachers name was Mister Peshky. For days I heard about this wonderful teacher. Mr. Peshky this and Mr. Peshky that … When I finally met the now famous (in my world) Mr. Peshky, imagine how surprised I was to be introduced to a rather attractive looking woman who went by the name of Miss Gerpeshky. I might be a little off on the spelling, but not on the gender … or the attractiveness.

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