Eclectically Eccentric » Blog Archive » Misplaced Trust Part One

**Warning: This post was very hard to write and may be hard to read due to the peppering of profanity.  Just be lucky I didn’t write this during the immediate aftermath…your sensibilities would be blistered.**

That’s her. I looked back again.  Oh, yes, I would recognize that blonde bitch with her fucking horse teeth anywhere…just walk, MJ, one foot in front of the other…you can do this.  You can’t afford the bail. This is what I said to myself yesterday, over and over again, even after she had been well out of my sight.  I had been out at the trails again, hoping to find me some more weirdoes—kindred– to converse with.  But what I found was anything but and I would dropkick  the first person who tried to put me in the same basket as that scum bag witch.  The vindictive side of me always swore, against my responsible side’s wishes, that I would one day get my much-deserved revenge on that woman.  And even though it has been a full 9 months since I’ve seen her, it was still so very very hard to not at least trip her as she passed with her fugly friend and give her a couple of good stomps.  Especially since she smiled at me.  SMILED.AT.ME. The responsible side is all too familiar with this mindset and tries to soothe my fiery self by telling me she didn’t recognize me.  She was simply smiling at passerbies as most people do to each other out here.  Still.  It was so very very hard to allow her to pass.

Now, at this point you are probably thinking, damn girl, get some anger management!  And I wouldn’t argue seeing as they, i.e. various authority figures, said the same to me since GRADE SCHOOL .  Yep, I got some temper issues.  No doubt about it.  But I’ve come to peace with this side of myself and even have become quite adept at using it for my benefit.  But the rage that that bitch was able to summon from me scared even me.  And I don’t intimidate easy…but what is it they say about a person being their own worst enemy?  Ok, I need to stop rambling and get on with the story…explaining why I will, and ever shall, mark this bitch as my most hated.

In an earlier autism post I revealed that Cub had been diagnosed at the tender age of 17 months, a very young age for this sort of disorder.  Usually professionals like to wait until the child is at least 2, when budding vocab & sentences emerge, to determine if autism is really the issue or if it is something else entirely.  There was no mistaking this for Cub though, she is pretty severe and the symptoms and quirks were easy to identify.  With this signaled a maladroit organization to appear and try to determine what (laughable) resources OK has available to help this child.  Luckily, the speech therapist assigned to Cub from this state association did some digging and discovered an autism pilot program that had recently been launched and was going to see what she could do to get Cub enrolled.  There was such a long waiting list (surprise) and they only had so much staff and funding (surprise again).  Thankfully when this program learned how young Cub was they jumped at the chance to include her.  The earliest the intervention the better and they wanted her to start right away.  I cannot begin to describe how happy and relieved I was.  An autism diagnosis stamped to your child is a devastating feeling; scrambling and scrounging for up-to-the-minute information and resources become the life of an “autie” parent.  With this school and all the seemingly eager, fresh-faced teachers and interns, I felt like I had a plethora of experts on my side, and hey, things won’t be so bad after all.  When I had walked away from that first meeting with staff I had a spring in my step and a smile on my face that hadn’t been there in ages.  These people were here to help and understood my predicament.  I genuinely felt this and so placed all my faith in them…and this coming from a person who, as I stated before, is a skeptic to the core.  I’ve come back to this moment in time and wondered why I allowed such sacred trust to be put on these people so completely.  It takes me months to acclimate to people, why so sudden?  At this point, fiery side feels stupid and guilty, but responsibility and compassion comes in from the offside to remind ourself that this was acceptable, in fact it is to be expected.  We want nothing but the best for our Cub so we feel as if others desire the same (Damn, I [we?] seriously need to be locked up).

Ok, so the scene is set.  Cub is just barely a toddler,  only started walking a couple months back…autism diagnosis…scarce state resources…very low middle class parents…teachers with their big Cheshire cat grins.  What could possibly go wrong?

I will let you know tomorrow.  Right now, my vindictive side is trying to subvert my other sides, and *sigh* I need to go mediate.

Posted on
Wednesday, May 4th, 2011

Filed under:
Autism.

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3 Comments to “Misplaced Trust Part One”

You are killing me woman!! I want the rest of the story but I can’t find it!! Where do I look? You sucked me in and I need to know the rest!

Completely agree.

I know who you’re talking about. I keep hoping she pulls the stick she’s got lodged so far up her ass out. Or that she sits down to fast one day and it busts through her thick skull.

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